Experts say the average sofa witnesses 311 arguments. So we can add, “Cool it, you two!” to today’s list of the . . . Top 5 Things Your Sofa Would Say If It Could Talk.
# 5 Stop punching me when The Buccaneers fumbles!
# 4 Sleeping on me again?!? What did you say to her this time?
# 3 Ask nicely and I’ll tell you where the remote is.
# 2 C’mon, man. We have been together since college. Don’t let her replace me with something from IKEA.
# 1 Can you tell the dog my cushions aren’t suppose to be used like that!