5 After you tell him you want to invest in something that grows consistently, he recommends your wife’s butt.
4 His advice for the 25th straight year: Keep holding onto those Beanie Babies . . . the market WILL rebound!
3 He doesn’t have a degree, but he promises he’s seen “Trading Places”, like, a hundred times.
2 He thinks Dow Jones is a CNN correspondent.
1 He screens his calls for creditors.
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